A new study published in Personal Relationships discusses how gaslighting plays out in romantic relationships. Through his research, psychologist Willis Klein of the University of Toronto, the lead author of the study, explores the psychological impact on victims, the underlying motivations of gaslighters, and the stages of gaslighting within relationships.
Gaslighting is a psychological tactic used by individuals to manipulate their victims into doubting their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. A gaslighter undermines their victim’s self-confidence, making them question their own understanding of reality.
“While the term gaslighting was coined in the 1940s, its usage has become more widespread in recent years, encompassing various contexts such as social media, the workplace, healthcare and, particularly, romantic relationships,” highlights Klein.
Gaslighters employ various tactics to convince their victims of their own “epistemic incompetence.” These tactics are often tailored to target the victim’s vulnerabilities, for example:
- Gaslighters may accuse their partners of being paranoid, overly emotional, or crazy when questioned about suspicious behavior
- Stereotypes and derogatory remarks may also be used to undermine the victim’s confidence
“I first became interested in gaslighting around 2017 when the term started receiving a lot of public attention. The idea of gaslighting seemed to fit well with what I knew about cognitive psychology, and I became curious about the cognitive mechanisms that enable gaslighting to occur,” says Klein, explaining his inspiration behind the study.
Through a qualitative analysis of survey responses from 65 gaslighting victims, the researchers identified significant psycho-social consequences, such as:
- The majority of participants expressed a sense of losing a part of their identity, experiencing a diminished self-concept, and/or feeling like they’d become a ‘shell of themselves’
- There were frequent accounts of individuals experiencing social isolation. This isolation could occur both during the relationship, as the gaslighter imposed restrictions on the victims’ social interactions, or even after the relationship had ended, as some victims developed a deep-seated distrust towards others.
- A small subset of participants also reported post-traumatic growth narratives. These participants felt that they had overcome and learned from the abuse. However, other subjects reported that they hadn’t recovered even years after their experience.
The researchers also found two primary motivations for gaslighters:
- To avoid accountability for bad behavior, like infidelity
- To control the victim’s behavior
“Some philosophers have also discussed how gaslighting can result from structural forces or how holding prejudiced beliefs can result in gaslighting, both of which are considerations that could reveal alternate motivations,” adds Klein.
Furthermore, the study uncovered various stages during which gaslighting unfolds:
- The initial stage often involves love-bombing, characterized by excessive affection, generosity, and attentiveness from the gaslighter. This establishes an emotional bond and trust, which contributes to the victim’s vulnerability.
- Subsequently, gaslighting intensifies, with victims entering a feedback loop that rationalizes the gaslighter’s behavior, leading to adverse psychological effects. Psychologists like Robin Stern have even identified stages within the gaslighting cycle, including disbelief, defensiveness, and depression.
While there are instances of gaslighting that are clearly intentional, such as when the gaslighter aims to gain control over the victim’s finances, these cases are relatively rare and often receive attention in medical journals and the media.
It is important to note that the majority of gaslighting behaviors are less intentional or conscious. In most cases, gaslighting occurs without the gaslighter explicitly planning or plotting their manipulative actions.
“I assume there is a spectrum of gaslighting behaviors ranging from highly intentional to completely unintentional, but this is still a matter of debate,” says Klein.
If you suspect being gaslit by someone close to you, here are two things you can do to protect your sense of self and reality:
- Observe closely. No matter how convincing a gaslighter is, it is rare for them to never slip up. Try noticing the way their behavior changes around you compared to other people in your life and hold them accountable to the narrative they tell you. Soon enough, you might notice that there are inconsistencies in their behavior which can help you regain control over your own side of the story.
- Involve other people. Confiding in other people like a trusted friend or a qualified professional will not only make you feel lighter, it will also help you gain some much needed perspective and will help you restore your sense of reality.
A full interview with researcher Willis Klein can be found here: New research explains how a gaslighter slowly warps their victim’s reality
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